Sun Kissed Skin - A writing short (circa 2007)

honestly where do we go from here? everything we do is unnoticed except by a select few who know what's going on, everyone else wants to believe that nothing occurs in this small bubble of a town but their ignorance blinds them. Sometimes i wish i could be exposed, that everything that i do is brutally unfolded infront of them and then i could finally show my true feelings. You're just a bad habit to me but yet i dont want to give up on it. Get out of me... you're still somehow with me. Days go by slow now and seem so basic and everything hits me harder than ever before but ive learned to keep it inside of me, which is just fine because in my heart i know we are both not ready for this. No matter how tough i may act im just a dainty girl longing for something to hold on to. Always, i know i keep pushing people back...but please know that this is a defense mechanism that no one can comprehend, and im sure you know what i am talking about...our mean jokes towards eachother are covered in a thin layer of care that none but only us can see.

isnt it ironic how me trying to subconciously hurt you only ends up hurting me? Every song sings my life away and every tear i've ever shed since the beginning was for this situation i am stuck in. All of this is irrelevant and i never say what i mean but somehow it's clear to one who knows me best and they don't even know that they know me the best. So i should say what i mean but you already know

and when i saw you today...i wished i was your skin and you were the sun, because the personification of sun kissed skin seems better than reality. In most cases i want to be the metaphors, similies and other literary vocabulary used and written by writers writting about love in its most purest form. Give me a moment, but i am a sorry story..almost a lost cause to some but even when i had a chance i did not go forth, Even though my motionless body was hovering over your helpless sleeping breath i never did the wrong that i knew i was supposed to do. But i'll admit...I've never seen a morning as beautiful as i did today

What i do wont be in Vain, One day it will all account for something

As for now i displace all my morals and instinct into what i know is not right but at the same time perfect...im just being greedy and selfish.
Can i tell you that i know we are destined to know and have eachothers presence with us for the rest of our lives no matter what the cirsumstance

Your secret needs to finally be let out and you need to let me know, I know that your conscious will prevail and tell me what you feel. Your embrace wont cut it anymore, well maybe for now but one day it wont. The lifesyle you lead is not in tune or up to par to fill my needs. Were you wrong to drag me along? yes but it's ok because i forgive you and without it i would not know what it was meant to feel alive

i know this is not the last time we have this occurance, not for a long time and you cant force yourself to feel something that just isn't right


any question i ask i always need a reply.

you're just overwhelming, im thinking i need to hold someones hand along the way, and not just any hand